Why You Should Involve Children in Funeral Planning and Service

Directors of funeral homes in Loudonville, NY, get the question of whether children should be spared the agony of burials quite often. The short answer is that not only is it acceptable to let kids participate at funerals, but it is even encouraged.

Although, not without reason and certain caveats, which we discuss below.

1. Participating in the funeral experience can help kids understand death and grief

Children have a right to know the truth about death and grief as much as anyone else, especially when someone close to them dies.

Letting kids in on the experience begins with demystifying death for those old enough to understand.

Shedding some light on this frightening event as a natural part of life helps to put their feelings and everyone else grieving into perspective.

2. Witnessing funeral rituals helps explain the significance of honoring a life

It is customary in most cultures to have a set of ceremonies in honor of their deceased.

By involving kids who show interest in the planning and execution of these rituals, you give them a chance to witness in real-time just how sacred a person’s life is.

They may not feel the pain and the grief at the same depth as the adults, but they pick up just enough to be introduced to the implication of death.

3. Involving the children in funeral planning creates a chance to talk about their thoughts and feelings

Though there is no one way to grief at any age, children may have an even more difficult time making sense of their feelings, let alone expressing them properly.

It’s good practice to take the time to break down the loss to their level and let them know they can come to you whenever they need more answers. Unfortunately, this does not guarantee that they will, and neither does pushing them.

However, when you involve kids in the planning process, you make them feel included and thus more likely to share their thoughts as they come.

This way, you can affirm what needs affirming and correct whatever wrong notion they may have picked up.

They will learn that you are indeed together in this just by watching you and find you relatable enough to come to you with what they may have otherwise repressed.

4. Including kids offers them an opportunity to receive helpful grief support from mourners.

Also, letting bereaved children participate in the funeral rites of their loved one allows them to be condoled by others.

Children are often isolated in grief because of the misconception that they have no idea what is going on anyway. Even when it turns out they actually don’t, it won’t always be the case.

Eventually, they will be old enough to fully grasp the significance of the loss and may not remember a lot other than how people who attended made them feel.

Caveat

• Only include kids that want to participate. There should be no pressure either way.
• Give them an out. So they know they are not under any obligations and can opt-out whenever they wish.
• The funeral experience only bears any significance to young children if they know what death is.
• Funeral participation should be kept age-appropriate. It’s the adults’ responsibility to ensure that grieving children do not take on more than they can handle, even if the child insists.

Everyone, including kids, deserves a chance to say goodbye to their deceased loved one in their own way. It’s also worth noting that young ones form their benchmark around what they see and are exposed to.

Isolating children during a life event as momentous as death robs them of a chance to gain a valuable experience on how to cope.

For additional insight, consult Loudonville, NY funeral homes like us on navigating grief and making end-of-life arrangements. We are only a tap away, so give us a call or visit us today.